Very Nearly Everything

Two weeks. One week the computer was down and last week, well, I'm lazy. Actually, last week I gave a retreat to class of eighth-graders. It went well. And  now there are less than two weeks to an art show I'm supposed to have paintings ready for. Supposed to. All of this stuff combined with work and family creates a lot of stress, which I've no doubt is something we all experience in our own lives in our own way. But... everything can be a tool for growth. Coming face to face with our weaknesses helps us overcome them. What does it all come down to? What is at the bottom of all our stress and anxiety? Desire.

Desire. Desire causes most if not all of our stress and anxiety. I am stressed about the retreat because my desire is for the kids to enjoy it. I get anxious about my art because I desire that people like it. Most of this is rooted in a desire to be praised or acknowledged: wasn't that a wonderful retreat? Isn't that a beautiful painting?

In a broader sense desire creates most of our suffering and anxiety because it is self-inflicted. We are anxious (and therefore suffer) over finances because we bought things we can't afford. Why did we do that? Usually because our culture has told us we need "this" to be happy. Our desire causes us to suffer because we don't have something, or someone, or haven't reached some-place that we think holds the key to contentment. If we ever do relieve our suffering by coming to possess whatever it was that we suffered over so desperately, we find a new anxiety over keeping it. I suffer because I must have this house, in this neighborhood, with this car in driveway to be finally happy and fulfilled. But now I'm anxious because I have to work longer hours to pay for it. I feel trapped because I have to stay with this job no matter how bad it gets because I can't stand the loss of any income. Worse, now I worry that someone might steal what I've got, or that what I have isn't good enough anymore and the guys at the country club will look down on me.

Seeking the praise of men instead of the peace of God.

Learning to relinquish desire is a major component of Jesus' teachings. It is a major part of the Apostolic letters in the New Testament. It is the core of the Christian monastic life. Interestingly enough it also concerns three of the Buddha's "Four Noble Truths"*. We were not created to be anxious and worried. God did not design us to suffer over anxiety about material things. We create most of our suffering. As the Buddha teaches, our suffering is the result of our desire. You want to relieve your suffering and anxiety; relieve your desire.

It's not what you think, or maybe it is. It is the commandment against coveting our neighbor's wife or goods. It is the deadly sin of envy. It lack of trust in God when Jesus tells His disciples to go out into the world with the clothes on their back; to be like the birds or lilies, not worrying about it. The modern saint and mystic, Padre Pio, says, "Hope, pray, and don't worry." The way not to worry is to trust in God avoid cluttering your life with things that create anxiety.

*Just in case you were wondering: The Four Noble Truths:

1. Life is filled with suffering.
2. Suffering is caused by desire (or attachment).
3. To relieve suffering, one must relieve desire (or attachment).
4. To relieve desire, follow the Eight-Fold Path**

**Kidding. I'm not writing all that.

Perenial Problem

De-tachment. Non-attachment. Un-attachment. Probably the most misunderstood word(s) in our vocabulary. We misunderstand them because the concept is completely foriegn to our Western culture. We struggle with the concept because it is essential for spiritual growth but we don't even really know what it is. Our modern sensibilities tend to see anything with a prefix of de-, non-, or un-, as a negative. If you tell people you are seeking non-attachment or even worse asceticism it will immediately conjure images of a snobbish, bored, stoic indifference to life and people. The other image (usually for someone who has just enough information to get into trouble) is the image of a hermit that sleeps on the ground, is generally filthy, and probably hits himself with things.

In reality, non-attachment is positive and necessary. How so? Non-attachment is the loss of attachment to self-preoccupation. It is letting go of the mind-set that always finds a way to place "me" at the center of everything. "Me" is concerned with "me" first and you, him, it, or they second, if at all. "Me" is in love with himself and only cares about anyone or anything to the extent that they provide "me" with something. Most of this is sub-conscious and we don't realize we are doing it. This "me" is one that complains about having to stand in line at the store, because, "Why should I have to stand here? I'm too important to wait in line."  It's also the "me" that loves my wife/kids/friends/boss/etc. when they are doing or acting the way I want them to but hate them when they aren't. Very often our ability to love another person is based on that person's ability to provide something we want. Even worse, our love for another is dependent on our imagined idea of what that person should be and when they inevitably fail, our love fails too.

In a silly way, this is the male mid-life crisis where he gets a divorce, buys a Corvette, pierces his ear, and starts dating a college sophomore. There are two things happening here: he is attached to an imagined image of himself and his life, when he realizes that image and reality don't match, he quits, gives, up, doesn't love himself anymore. He does the same to his wife; he had an imagined idea of what his wife should be and when he wakes up and realizes she isn't twenty-three anymore, his image fails and so his love for her fails. Because of his attachment he can't see past the fact that he-himself, his life, and his wife don't "provide" for him they way he imagines they should, so he can't love them and seeks new ones that fit the imagination. Again, the problem being, the new girlfriend won't stay young, the new car has to be paid for, and he still doesn't have a six-pack stomach. As long as he is attached to what people provide he will always be miserable. I'm sure you can think of a hundred other examples of this in our culture from entertainment to plastic surgery to greed and crime. 

If we were to learn non-attachment to what people are and focus on who they are we will have a long way in understanding Christ's command to love your neighbor as yourself. Non-attachment does not mean I no longer love my wife and kids because I'm "above that now". In reality it means that free from self-preoccupation I am truly free to love them. I am able to love them for who they are instead of what they can do for me. But it has to extend beyond my family and to my neighbor and to God. I have to become unattached to God, that is the God of my own image. I have to love God for who He is not what I imagine Him to be or want Him to be.