Perenial Problem

De-tachment. Non-attachment. Un-attachment. Probably the most misunderstood word(s) in our vocabulary. We misunderstand them because the concept is completely foriegn to our Western culture. We struggle with the concept because it is essential for spiritual growth but we don't even really know what it is. Our modern sensibilities tend to see anything with a prefix of de-, non-, or un-, as a negative. If you tell people you are seeking non-attachment or even worse asceticism it will immediately conjure images of a snobbish, bored, stoic indifference to life and people. The other image (usually for someone who has just enough information to get into trouble) is the image of a hermit that sleeps on the ground, is generally filthy, and probably hits himself with things.

In reality, non-attachment is positive and necessary. How so? Non-attachment is the loss of attachment to self-preoccupation. It is letting go of the mind-set that always finds a way to place "me" at the center of everything. "Me" is concerned with "me" first and you, him, it, or they second, if at all. "Me" is in love with himself and only cares about anyone or anything to the extent that they provide "me" with something. Most of this is sub-conscious and we don't realize we are doing it. This "me" is one that complains about having to stand in line at the store, because, "Why should I have to stand here? I'm too important to wait in line."  It's also the "me" that loves my wife/kids/friends/boss/etc. when they are doing or acting the way I want them to but hate them when they aren't. Very often our ability to love another person is based on that person's ability to provide something we want. Even worse, our love for another is dependent on our imagined idea of what that person should be and when they inevitably fail, our love fails too.

In a silly way, this is the male mid-life crisis where he gets a divorce, buys a Corvette, pierces his ear, and starts dating a college sophomore. There are two things happening here: he is attached to an imagined image of himself and his life, when he realizes that image and reality don't match, he quits, gives, up, doesn't love himself anymore. He does the same to his wife; he had an imagined idea of what his wife should be and when he wakes up and realizes she isn't twenty-three anymore, his image fails and so his love for her fails. Because of his attachment he can't see past the fact that he-himself, his life, and his wife don't "provide" for him they way he imagines they should, so he can't love them and seeks new ones that fit the imagination. Again, the problem being, the new girlfriend won't stay young, the new car has to be paid for, and he still doesn't have a six-pack stomach. As long as he is attached to what people provide he will always be miserable. I'm sure you can think of a hundred other examples of this in our culture from entertainment to plastic surgery to greed and crime. 

If we were to learn non-attachment to what people are and focus on who they are we will have a long way in understanding Christ's command to love your neighbor as yourself. Non-attachment does not mean I no longer love my wife and kids because I'm "above that now". In reality it means that free from self-preoccupation I am truly free to love them. I am able to love them for who they are instead of what they can do for me. But it has to extend beyond my family and to my neighbor and to God. I have to become unattached to God, that is the God of my own image. I have to love God for who He is not what I imagine Him to be or want Him to be.